Tonight I drove around to all the Dodge dealerships in the city between 11 PM and 1 AM. I like to look for cars at night because you get to avoid the salesmen and the flesh-melting Florida summer heat. I guess I'm not the only one because at a few of the lots I saw other people prowling around just like me.

I had been drinking a lot of mountain dew because I've lapsed a bit in my no soda policy. I had to use the bathroom really badly by the time I pulled up to the final Dodge dealership, but I hadn't passed anyplace open with a restroom, so I decided to take a quick look and then search for an open gas station.

The first thing I saw when I got out of my car was almost the exact truck I wanted with a really good price on the windshield. I mean if you asked me what I wanted I would have described this very truck to you with a little darker paint (gunmetal grey instead of silver) and a slight variation on the options. Seeing the price got me stoked, and you know when you're excited about something and you also have to take a leak it's very uncomfortable. Then I noticed a couple other trucks that looked promising and I walked over to them, but I had to go to the bathroom so badly that I was walking sort of funny and kind of hopping around.

When I'd entered the lot a recorded message stared playing on the loudspeaker saying the hours of the dealership and how I should feel free to look around even though they're closed. That was cool because it made me feel less like I was sneaking around, so I went further into the lot and looked at some more stuff, sort of crossing my legs and hopping up and down because I had to go to the bathroom so badly. I didn't want to leave just yet though, because I kept seeing trucks I wanted to look at. The recorded message would come on now and then telling me about different sales they had or whatever.

Finally it was getting to be too much and I was looking for a dark place with a bush. I really didn't want to do the bush thing but I'd stayed too long and didn't think I could take it anymore. About that time the recorded message came on and said "We're gald you're here. Please feel free to look around, and remember that all activity is being recorded by video cameras for our protection."

I hope when I go back tomorrow they don't recognize me from the security tape and yell "Hey look! Its the guy who was doing the pee-pee dance!" but at least I can be grateful I didn't go on the bushes.